My past

Well I don’t think there is a right way to start talking about the things I’ve gone through in my past, so lets just jump right in!

Well it started in January of 2012. That’s when I got called out of class up to the front office. I remember thinking to myself that i hadn’t done anything wrong, I mean i was an eighth grader who had a mom, Melissa, who devoiced when I was two, but was happily married to my step dad, Carl, for about three or four years at this time. When I walked into the front office, I saw my grandparents standing there, which came to a shock to me considering they lived four hours away from us! They checked me out of school and sat me down in the car and basically told me “Savanna, your mom was arrested this morning, after dropping you off, for drugs…” As a 13 year old I didnt know what to think. I’d always thought of my mom as this amazing, strong woman, who always held her head up through tough times. I didn’t really want to believe what they were saying, but when we pulled up to the jail, and I saw her lawyer standing there, I knew it was real. We went home, packed all of my things up, and left. My grandparents took me from my mom to keep me safe. At the time all I could think about was, what about school, and my friends, and mom and dad?

When I started school in North Georgia, where I am originally from, it was scary. I didn’t know anyone, and I wasn’t good at making friends. The school I started going to had “teams” just like my last one did, so basically, on your team you have the same kids but sometimes you’re not all in the same class. So kind of like high school but a little more organized! But my math class was basically a big friend group, inside and outside of school! I didn’t think that I was going to be friends with them, but on the first day of school, they all made sure to make me feel welcomed! They didn’t want me to feel like I was being left out of anything! So everything i had just went through was kind of going away, because I was starting to make friends!

About a year or so later, we get a phone call from my dad, Carl, who said my mom had been arrested again. This time she wasn’t just going to jail, but after a month she would be transfered to a rehab center near us. We were happy to hear that she was going to go get help, even if she didn’t have a choice. We thought that she would come out and do good! After a year of being in the center, she was released and sent home. She did great for about a year and a half to two years.

It’s currently 2016 and I just went to prom and I was about to graduate high school! The First kid/grandkid to graduate! I walked across the stage on May 28, 2016, without my mom being in the stands cheering me on… on May 16, 2016 we got a phone call that she was arrested and has gone back to jail. This time she was spending her whole sentence in jail. Not a rehab center. It still hurts me, to this day to think back on such a great day, but to remember that I didn’t have my mom there beside me to help celebrate. A couple of months down the line, I find out in pregnant. I was 18 and was no where near ready to become a parent. I was scared beyond words and all I wanted was for my mom to be there and talk to me and help me get through this, considering she went through this same thing. I went my whole pregnacy only talking to my mom once a week from a jail phone in hopes that she would get out before my due date, April 18, 2017. A couple of weeks until my due date and she tells me she’s going to miss the birth of her first grandchild by a month. Being a momma’s girl, pregnant, and emotional, i couldn’t stop crying because having my mom in the room with me was something I always wanted when I gave birth. She was released May 20, 2017. That was the first day she met her grandson.

Sometimes I sit here and think as a mom, how could you choose something that stupid and pointless over your own child? How could you do something so stupid, knowing my graduation was coming up? But other times I take myself out of the situation and see that once an addict always an addict, recovering or not. Today is 10/11/2018 and my mom has been drug free since May 16, 2016. She told me that missing the birth of her first grandchild, and missing her youngest walk across the stage, and practically missing me grow up, is what made her snap back, and understand what she did wrong in the past. I know that it was hard for her to have to sit in jail and miss those things, but sometimes that’s what you’ve got to go through to be able to understand what you’ve done wrong and understand how badly you’ve messed up. Sometimes people come out on top, and sometimes they don’t. But I’m here to tell you that if you are a teenager going through something like this, it will get better. If your parent learns what they did wrong and corrects it, or if you have to give up and move on from that kind of negitivity. Moving on is probably the hardest choice, but sometimes it’s better to think of yourself over someone who is constantly putting themselves first and not caring who they hurt in thr process. If there is anyone out there who reads this and is going throuh this and just needs someone to talk to, please feel free to comment down below, or message me about anything. Never be sacared to talk to someone.

Thanks for stopping by,

Savanna!